Character(s) or Pairing(s): (this chapter) Romano, Fem!Spain, Italy. Overall fic will eventually be some form of Spain/Romano.
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Warnings: Human names. Ridiculousness. Lots of Romano being cut off in this chapter, too, it's really rude.
Summary: Far, far away, beyond the borders of dreams and wishes, just past where fantasies live, there sat a quiet, peaceful little kingdom. In a not so far, far away land, closer to where dreams go to die, sat a very disgruntled Italian man. This is the story of how these two realities came to meet.
Lovino awoke to the smell of cinnamon, the soft sizzle of oil, and the overwhelming feeling that he'd forgotten something. Mumbling to himself, he stretched and rolled around under his blankets before finally climbing out from beneath them. "Stupid little brother must have decided to come home," he said to himself, staggering sleepily towards the kitchen. The other man hadn't made an appearance at all the night before, but if somebody was in the kitchen cooking it had to be hi---
"Look, thanks for. Whatever you did to make my tomatoes less dead looking, lady, but you should seriously go home now."
"Oh, of course! It was nice of you to have me over for dinner, and the tomatoes were fun to take care of."
"Whatever. Call. Whoever. And go home."
"I really don't think they'd hear me from here, though."
Or the crazy woman who'd spent the night because he couldn't figure out how to get her to go home. It could also be her.
He had half a mind to tell her to get the fuck out, but she was still cooking breakfast, and somebody else cooking breakfast meant he didn't have to do it. She'd even made coffee, and he sure as hell wasn't cleaning up after her when she was done, so he'd just have to let her stay until she cleaned up her mess. Also she was wearing his robe, she so had to clean that when she was done. "I see you dumped the wedding dress."
"It would be silly walking around in it all day again, when I already wore it yesterday." A plate of golden-brown fried bread was placed in front of him, honey dripping down the sides and since when did he even have honey in the house? "Besides, I want to look nice when Antonio comes for me! He must be looking really hard, the least I can do is be ready for when he finds me."
"...You're marrying a guy named Antonio?"
"And your name is Antonia?"
"...Yeah that's really dumb."
"Why do you think that? At least our names sound nice together! It would be really sad if they didn't." Antonia nodded as if that made sense, which it did not, and sat down across from him.
"Whatever. I wouldn't marry a girl just because her name was... Lovina or something." This was mostly (entirely) because the only girl he knew with such a name was his cousin (shit, his family was lazy), but that was beside the point.
"Oh I'm not marrying him just because his name is Antonio, that's just how it turned out." She sighed happily, resting her head in her palm as she continued to speak. "He's sweet and kind and he really loves tomatoes and you know, I just knew the minute I saw him that it was meant to be."
"And it's really a pity we couldn't get married yesterday, but I'm sure everything will still be ready once he finds me."
She sighed again. "That day we spent planning the wedding after we met was the second-best day of my life." After seeing Lovino's raised eyebrow she quickly added, "Well my wedding day will be the first best, of course."
"You're marrying some guy with the same name as you even though you've only know him for a couple days?"
"When it's true love, you just know."
"That's a crock of shi--"
"Fratello, you made a friend!"
Lovino finished his curse and looked over to the front door, where his younger brother was standing next to his dropped backpack clutching his hands together happily and bouncing back and forth on the balls of his feet. "I always knew this would happen, Nonno wasn't so sure, but I kept telling him, ve, Lovi will find somebody who likes him someday, and now it’s happening!"
"Oh and you're even sharing your robe!" Ignoring Lovino's near-constant repetition of his name, Feliciano began digging through his backpack for his camera. "Hold still, hold still, I need to get a picture so Nonno believes me!"
Click. "There, all done! Aw, you two look so cute, how'd you meet, what's her name, is she going to move in with us?"
"She was just leav--"
"Oh, how rude of me! I'm Antonia." In a flash, Antonia was over by the door pulling Feliciano into a hug. "It's so nice to meet you! You and Lovi are clearly brothers, you look so alike!"
"Nice to meet you Antonia! That's what everyone says, but Lovi always insists he's way better looking than me and people should stop saying things like that, which is really mean because I'm not bad looking either, but I know he doesn't mean it as an insult, he's just like that. He says the same thing when people say him and our cousin look alike, only then she usually punches him and they end up arguing about who actually is more attractive, it’s really funny.”
“Feli, shut up.”
Lovino was apparently being ignored for the time being. “Did you two have a date last night, Antonia?"
"A date? We just had some pizza and then went to bed."
"Oooh." Feliciano grinned and gave Lovino a knowing look and dear lord his brother was a pervert, when did that happen?!
"It's not what it sounds like!" Lovino cut in. "She's just crazy and doesn't know how to get home so she slept on the couch!"
That did nothing to stop Feliciano's maddening grin. "But you never let anyone sleep on the couch, that's why I always have to stay the night at my friends' houses! You're making so much progress, I'm so proud."
"Progress? Proud? What the fuck have you been smoking, nothing is going on here!"
"You don't have to be embarrassed, I'm sure after a few more dates something will be going on."
"She's getting married, moron, nothing is ever going to be "going on"."
Feliciano gasped. "You're dating a married woman? You know what Nonno told us about doing that!"
"I'm not married yet, but you both can come to the wedding if you want? I'd like all my friends to be there!"
"Aw, really? I love weddings!"
Antonia and Feliciano both stopped and looked over at Lovino, who was at this point bright red. "You," he pointed at Antonia. "Try to tell him," pointed at Feliciano, "Where exactly it is you live. I'm going to take a shower and when I get back, both of you better be gone."
"Ve, I live here, Lovi."
Once Lovino had finished his shower, he felt a little calmer. It was Saturday, thankfully, and he was fully intent on just hanging around his apartment, alone, for at least the rest of the day. It was raining once again, which further increased his resolve to not leave the house for the rest of the weekend. A quick glance out the window let him know that the tomatoes were still covered by the bizarre contraption Antonia had made for them, though they looked nowhere near as bright and full of life as they had the night before.
"Whatever." He flopped down on the couch, feet hanging over the edge of one armrest as he sprawled out across it.
His arms and feet were soon flailing and struggling in vain to keep him on the couch after Lovino jumped in surprise at the voice.
"Hi again! Did you have a nice shower?"
"Why are you still here?"
"Your brother said none of the "cabs" here will go to Spain, but I'm not sure what he meant by that because I don't live in Spain? But he's gone, he said he'd be back later." She took a seat on the armrest his feet had previously been occupying while he picked himself up off the floor. Lovino scowled at her, and then scowled some more when he realised she was wearing a dress that looked very much like a favourite pink button-down shirt of his.
"...Did you make a dress out of my clothes?!"
"Oh, yes! Do you like it? Feliciano said it would be fine, since you have so many of these. Is pink your favourite colour?"
"NO. Yes. No, red is. Pink is a manly colour."
Antonia laughed and the dim light of the living room suddenly got brighter, even though the light bulb was dying and it had been very near going out completely. "Red’s my favourite too! And Antonio’s.”
"Good for you two."
“Green would look better on you, though. Your eyes aren't green like mine or Antonio's," Antonia leaned closer, apparently peering into his eyes. "But you've got these little flecks of it."
"Is there anything you and Antonio don’t have in common?"
"He hasn’t met you yet." She smiled and leaned a little closer. "There’re some gold flecks, too."
Lovino felt his cheeks heat up in response to the close proximity, though it apparently seemed entirely normal to Antonia. "Stop looking at my eyes, you weirdo."
He'd been expecting her to either A. back the hell off or B. completely ignore him and keep picking out all the various colours she could find in his irises, but he was definitely not expecting her to squeal, exclaim, "You're like a tomato!" and hug him. Definitely not expecting that at all. "I have got to introduce you to Antonio, he'd like you too, you're so cute!"
"Stop hugging me!" Lovino struggled in her embrace. "I don't want to meet your stupid fiancé, he's probably just as creepy as you are!"
"He's not creepy!" The lights dimmed in sync with Antonia's pout. "You really shouldn't say such mean things about somebody you've never even met!"
"I can say whatever the heck I want." ...Heck?
"But why would you want to say such mean things?" Antonia's pouting had stopped (the lights were apparently done "pouting" as well), and she was looking at Lovino with an expression of honest curiosity. "Why not see the good in people and talk about that instead?"
"What if there's nothing good to see?"
"There's always something good, even if it's hard to find." Her face lit up in a grin once more and she patted his still slightly pink cheek. "Like you!"
"What about me?"
"You're really grumpy and you say a lot of very rude words, and your brother says you're mean to everyone," Lovino looked offended and was about to protest, however Antonia just continued on, "But you've been very nice to me, letting me stay here and trying to help me."
"I've been trying to get you to leave."
"I don't think I'd still be here if you really meant it when you told me to go away."
Lovino made a frustrated noise and sank into the couch cushions, scooting as far away from Antonia as possible. "You're ridiculous." He flipped on the television to some shitty talk-show. Antonia just giggled and patted his leg, moving down off the armrest to sit on the couch properly. "So when is this Antonio guy going to come take you off my hands?"